Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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