Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
