Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
