R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
