worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
