I've blown a few things in my day
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
