I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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