Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
