your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
