I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Naked Twister starts at high noon
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Two words: blizzard sex
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
