oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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