no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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