i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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