Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
