I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
