Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
