he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
