check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
