Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
