everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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