Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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