my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
