We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
What happened to fro yo and sex?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
