and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
