bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
