btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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