I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
