I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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