It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
third nipple confirmed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
