this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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