That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I party with great urgency now.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
