you mean i was at the winter classic?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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