my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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