oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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