i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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