I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
