Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
