East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
