Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize