May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
