My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
