dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
