so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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