Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
