My friends, they love my intelligence
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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