I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
