she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
