wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
