Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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