One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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