i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
