ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
