Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
