he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
as a side note pls kill me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
