I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize