I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
