She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
