Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
