Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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