Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
