giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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