How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
