I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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