it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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