I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
