He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We have started to decorate penises.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
