seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
