theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
