I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize