Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
