pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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