I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
