Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
