So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
