you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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