It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
