I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
