He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
