Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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