I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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