it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
