I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
