I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
did you just send me my own nude
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
