Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I love you. Go after that dick
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
