There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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