remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
