I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
