i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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