We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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