I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
