Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
