Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize