I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
