Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
