on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
