some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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