please come you make the beer taste better
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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