i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Is it because I queefed?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
