Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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