just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
